Men`s Divorce Dating

Sometimes, in our efforts to avoid pain, we ignore the real problems in the relationship because we’re scared of opening a door that can’t be closed. We avoid confrontation to prevent ourselves from being hurt, or hurting the ones we love.

However, these problems won’t go away on their own. And the longer you wait to deal with them, the greater the risk of damaging the relationship when it finally comes up.

In my experience, most marital problems aren’t things that came along later on. They were problems that existed from the first month of dating, but were never truly confronted.

There’s a certain type of alpha-male energy that women are attracted to. It’s difficult to put into words, but it’s something that every man is born with. There’s a primal aggression that’s been coded in our genes for the past 100,000 years. Yet somehow, we’ve forgotten how to be men.

Part of what I want to do with this blog is show examples of the primal, animal aggression that makes women attracted. Whenever I come across an example of this energy in action, I’ll post up a video for inspiration.

Pay close attention to the words in this song. This is very well-done.

Father
Gonna take you daughter out tonight
Gonna show her my world
Oh father

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, with a poor man’s job, making a poor man’s salary. One day, while taking the bus home from work, he struck up a conversation with a rich man. At the end of the conversation, the rich man gave him $1000 as a gift.

The next week, the poor man saw the rich man again. They had another conversation and the rich man gave him another $1000. This went on week after week. After the 5^th week, the poor man began to see a pattern. With his new-found fortune, he went out took on new dept. He bought a new house, a new car, new clothes, and he even quit his poor man’s job. And week after week, the rich man continued to give him $1000.

But on the eleventh week, the rich man and the poor man met on the same bus and had another great conversation. At the end of the conversation, the poor man asked for his $1000. The rich man said he wasn’t going to give him any money today. When the poor man asked why not, the rich man said that he’d simply decided not to ever give the poor man any more money. From now on, the poor man would have to settle for polite conversation without monetary gain.

The poor man replied “You can’t do this to me. I’ve quit my job and I have debts. I’ll have to declare bankruptcy. I need the money to live!” The rich man simply said “Too bad, that’s not my problem”

The poor cursed the rich man for ruining his life and vowed never to speak to him again.

There are 2 ways you can look at this story. For the sake of argument, we’ll call them “Loser Mentality” and “Winner Mentality”.

“Loser Mentality”

The rich man used his position and wealth to manipulate the poor man. He created an expectation by making the poor man reliant on the weekly paycheque. This rich man was basically playing manipulative power games in order to destroy the poor man’s life.

“Winner Mentality”

The rich man gave the poor man $10,000. And the poor man didn’t appreciate it like he should’ve. Getting something for free TODAY doesn’t entitle you to get something for free TOMORROW, so just appreciate it while you have it.

The same thing applies in your personal relationships. In my experience, women are incredibly generous.

Most bitter breakups happen because the woman in the relationship gave and gave and gave. At some point, for whatever reason, she just decided to stop giving. Maybe she just needed to go find herself. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she felt unappreciated. It doesn’t matter. The reason isn’t important.

Too often, men get a sense of expectancy, and becomes dependant on their woman’s love in order to feel good about themselves. Instead of appreciating the gift he’s received, they get angry at her for removing the foundation on which he’s built his emotional well-being.

This is a Loser Mentality. I can’t tell you how to make her come back. But I can almost GUARANTEE that she won’t come back until you change your attitude.

She doesn’t feel like she owes you anything, and she doesn’t want to carry your emotional baggage. No woman does.

Also, this bitterness you’re holding in will affect all of your future interactions with women. Without saying a word, women seem to just know how your last relationship ended. They are very intuitive, and they can sense when a man is desperate and needy. It’s very unattractive.

Instead, you need to develop a winner mentality. When a girl breaks up with you, set her free. Thank her for the beautiful gift she’s freely given you, wish her all the best. Help her get what she needs to be happy, and understand that this may mean she needs to start a new life without you.

As much as this may hurt, you’ll also be letting go of a lot of emotional baggage that’s preventing quality women from getting to know you.

The world is full of generous people who are willing to give and give and give without expecting anything in the return. But they pick their recipients very carefully, and they want someone who won’t take them for granted. Are you a winner or a loser?

Speed dating events can be some of the Best places to meet women. Whether you live in New York, L.A., Montreal, San Diego, Boston or any other major city, there’s a speed dating company in your area.

Speed dating is half party, half musical chairs, and all cop. This convenient solution promises to slice, and dice, and even re-grow your thinning hair line.

Well, it might not be able to re-grow hair, or make home-made potato chips… but it is quickly gaining in popularity with older singles who want an alternative to dating sites. The 2 main questions are: Does it work, and will it work for you? You need to keep a few things in mind before you make your decision.

I guess the easiest way to explain speed dating would be to compare it to the old fashioned singles mixers of days gone by. An event management company would recruit a bunch of single people into one location. In the main hall, two areas are set up. The men take one circle, and the women take the other circle.

Each person is allotted a limited amount of time. Each sits down and starts conversing until their time runs out. After that, they switch to the next potential suitor. If there is a connection, you might trade contact information before the buzzer sounds.

The main idea of speed dating is simple. Once the first couple runs out of time, a bell goes off and everyone moves to his or her right. And the whole thing is repeated again until you run out of hot chicks to game.

Once you run out of girls, the event is concluded. Every guy has had the opportunity you meet several future prospects. Although they started small, I’ve recently seen some of these events get quite impressively large.

The only downfall to this approach to dating is the sheer amount of time you’ll have to spend with each girl. The entire concept is based on the idea that first impressions and gut instincts is all you need to generate a spark. But is can you really be expected to make a choice in whether or not to give out your phone number in just 5 minutes? I wouldn’t suggest speed dating to guys who are shy or not used to meeting new people in such a fast-paced environment.

I’ve heard mixed reviews as to the effectiveness of speed dating. It’s not every guy who’s suited to this type of matchmaking service. Although, it’s definitely something to experience.

Another drawback is that you’re only getting a superficial view of this person’s “best behaviour”. It’s all an act that they put on in hopes of catching Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you do find yourself connecting with a girl at one of these events, just keep in mind that this first impressions might not be a reflection of their true selves.

Speed dating might not be right for you. Maybe it goes against personality type. But don’t worry if you find yourself having doubts. It’s natural for everyone to feel a bit overwhelmed on their first try.

If you’re alone after divorce, I encourage you to give it a try. Who knows? You might meet your next wife. Worst case scenario: You meet lots of interesting girls who could become friends that introduce you to your next wife. Don’t worry about finding true love on your first night. Just take your time and have fun.

Tags: Speed dating tips, Speed dating advice, Free speed dating, Alone after divorce, Best places to meet women, New York, LA, Montreal, San Diego, Boston, Next Wife

Divorce rates are at an all-time high. Many couples are going through the pain of a dysfunctional marriage. You also have to take into account the number of divorces that are stopped before they get too far. You’re not alone in experiencing the pain of divorce.

I often get guys asking me “How can I pull it back from disaster?” or “How do I get the marriage back to love and happiness?” While every divorce has different people, values and circumstances, there are some core errors that people often to make when trying to salvage a marriage.

I want to help you stop these mistakes and create positive outcomes instead.

Here are some common relationship mistakes that can really accelerate a divorce, and some ideas you can use to change habits and eliminate some of the pain of divorce.

Reassurance - “I’ll change. I swear!”

Have you ever resorted to this kind of desperation? Has anyone used it on you before? Did you honestly believe your wife or girlfriend when she said this? I didn’t think so, even if they really mean it, your marriage is probably in so much trouble that this’ll sound insincere. It’ll also sound weak, and build no confidence in your wife. Even if it’s what you THINK she wants to hear. What she says and is not always what she means or what she wants to hear. At this point, it’s too late to salvage a marriage. Last minute tactics like this will not work …

So what works? How can you reassure her? There really isn’t much you can say. So why say anything? That is right; don’t try to reassure her. Actions speak louder than words. Show strength and positivity in your dealings with your wife, and do what needs to be done without talking about your intentions.

Tread lightly and carry a big stick.

Emotional blackmail - “I love you so much!”

Yea, I know you’re sincere about this. But it’s such an obvious fall back. She’ll feel pressured, and emotionally blackmailed. Especially if she does love you and is just hiding it, it’ll just push her farther away because she’ll feel like you’re targeting her emotional soft-spot. And that’ll just make things worse. “I love you” is one of the most powerful sentences in any language. But power applied in the wrong way can cause disasters. Especially in a fragile relationship.

So can you tell them how you feel? While you may feel the urge to blurt “I love you”, it’ll often it’s best NOT to use it while you’re both in such a delicate circumstance. Save that for better times and high points, .when you can both grasp the words with a clear head.

Arguing – “But you promised …”

Using logic or guilt to change your wife’s mind is the surest way NOT to salvage a marriage. Being defensive and hypocritical is counter-productive. The more you argue the more she’ll lock up. If you’re negative, she’ll do the same. Needing to win is counter-productive. Trying to force unnatural change can be like digging your way out of a hole.

So how can you salvage a marriage without discussion and arguments? Once again, don’t do it! Getting drawn into an argument is one of the biggest relationship mistakes you can make at this point. Arguments completely mess up a fragile situation.

Don’t solve the problem? It doesn’t make sense, right? Fix something by not fixing it? But it works! Don’t defend yourself … she’ll be reluctant to come after you if you just hand over the victory. In this case, you have nothing to gain by winning.

This dissolves the hostility. The root cause of the problem can only be addressed once the hostility and defensiveness and urge to WIN is taken away. That’s the only time when a solution will work itself out ..

That’s right, the problem solves itself. You don’t need to fix it; both of you will start to change to solve the problems. As opposed to before, where you would both be too stubborn and unwilling to budge. As corny as it sounds, love really is the answer. But you’ve both got to put your egos aside first.

These are just a few ideas to avoid the pain of divorce. Of course every situation is different and your case may require a slightly different approach. But I’m hopeful that this will help many of you avoid common relationship mistakes.

Good luck!

Tags: salvage a marriage, relationship mistakes, pain of divorce