Men`s Divorce Dating

I recently had a conversation with a former student of mine who’s now a close friend. He told me about an interesting experience had while training his new puppy.

When you get a new dog, it will immediately try to assert its position within the group. If you let it, it’ll try to become the alpha male of the pack. And this dog was no exception.

The first thing my friend did was restricting access to food. Previously, he had left the food out all day in the kitchen so the dog could eat whenever it wanted. Now, he’ll leave the food out for 30 minutes, then put it away. If the dog doesn’t eat, he’ll have to wait until the next meal. Also, he changed the feeding times locations so the dog never knows where or when its next meal will be.

Now the dog realizes that my friend makes the rules. The dog now realizes that its owner is in charge and has the power to reward at random. But only if the dog is obedient and pays attention.

Now before I start getting hate mail from everyone:

• I am NOT advocating that you act like a jerk.
• I am NOT suggesting you become a misogynist.

As your marriage is coming to an end, there may not be anything that you can do to revive it. However, you ARE at the beginning of an entirely new type of relationship with your wife. And when beginning any new relationship, you MUST set the tone for how you want to be treated. Would you rather be liked, or would you rather be respected?

In failed marriages, I’ll generally see 2 types of personalities in men:

1. He puts her on a pedestal and acts way too nice all the time.
2. He neglects her or treats her badly.

What I’m suggesting is that you meet her somewhere in the middle. Make an effort to reward her at random intervals, but only if she’s being respectful. She should never know how or when. All she’ll know is that you’ll occasionally do very nice things for her if she treats you well all the time.

When you do decide to reward her, be very generous and don’t expect anything in return.

In order for this to work, you must be willing to say no, regardless of how it makes her feel. And don’t respond to emotional blackmail. You don’t have to be rude. Just let her understand that you do nice things on your own terms, not on hers.

This approach isn’t just for women. It also works on your friends, your boss and almost any interpersonal relationship in your life.

The important thing is to begin doing this early on in the relationship. Once the social roles have been established, it may become much more difficult to apply this sort of approach. 

I’ve recently noticed a significant spike in emails from men who’ve lost everything due to financial difficulty. And it doesn’t look like 2008 is going to get much better.

As men, we associate a lot of our social value with the money that we make. Sometimes, bad things happen and you can’t really do anything about it. Obsessing over problems you can’t control will only make things worse. You’ll work 10 times harder for only marginal improvements.

Instead, try to see the big picture. Take care of your friends. Treat yourself well. And know that this is only temporary.